Friday, December 7, 2007

Questions For Suitors

"Imagine...the day comes when a suitor appears on the scene. Great! What
next?

An excellent next step is to determine whether a marriage between you
and him would be an equal yoking. That is, if you were to enter into a
relationship or courtship, could it culminate in a marriage? Do you
believe the same things? Is there anything which would hinder the two of
you from marrying? For example, for me, I wouldn't marry a man who
didn't want to educate his children at home. So when my suitor came
along, that was one of the first questions my dad asked him!

Your suitor might be a complete stranger or at least you may not know
him well enough to know whether you'd like to marry him. So, as well as
learning about his beliefs and convictions, it may be that you would
like to get to know other aspects about him: his interests and
preferences, likes and dislikes, views on various things, practices,
personal history and family background, etc

This is where the following list of questions for suitors is helpful.
They can help you get to know him. And as you ask him these questions,
he might use them too to help him get to know you!

As you read through these questions, there may be some that will make
you think, "I don't care about that. I don't need to know the answer to
that question." That is fine! We all have different things we are
looking for and wondering about. Maybe as you read through you'll think,
"What about asking him this or that?" Excellent!

There are over 70 questions on various subjects below.
Use them as a launching pad to help you think about other things you'd
like to discuss with a suitor.

A way that myself and other girls have used questions that we have
compiled is to go through the questions with our parents/family. This
can be a wonderful exercise. It can iron out what is really important to
your family and can help you and your father communicate accurately
about what he is looking for in a husband for you and what you are
hoping for in a husband for yourself. If you do that with these
questions, you might come up with others you'd like to ask in addition
to or instead of some of these questions.

~Questions~

Entertainment

Are sports just something fun to do, or are they a big part of
your life?

What music do you listen to? (some examples) Does your family
like/enjoy it too?

What is your standard for Godly music?

What are your views on television in the home, and what is your
family's history with television?

What are your thoughts on computer/video gaming?

What's your favorite sport?

What kind of music do you like?



Family

What family traditions, holiday or otherwise, would you like to
incorporate into your family?

Do you want your children homeschooled? What role would you play
in that? Would a 'hodge-podge' of curriculum be a part of the schooling
plan?

How would you go about testing suitors for your daughters? Or
mates for your sons?

What are your ideas when it comes to medical vs. natural/herbal
remedies, or emergencies?

Is homeschooling a preference or a conviction and why? What does
your family think about it?

What methods of discipline did your parents and grandparents
use, and what is your opinion about this?

If a visiting child misbehaves in your home, how do or would you
handle it?

What are your family's holiday and anniversary traditions and
how do you feel about them?

As an adult living with or away from your family, what parts do
your mother, father and grandparents play in your life?

In your family, whose responsibility is it to mow the lawn and
take care of other yard work? Is that the way you think it should be?
How do or would you establish division of labor indoors and out?

Does your family have an history of health challenges, and what
is their and your view on this?

How would you discipline a child if the child needed it?

Would you want your children home educated or sent to a school?



Finances

Do you only buy/wear name brand clothing/shoes, or are finds at
thrift stores just fine?

Would you be the only money-maker, or could (I) continue one or
more cottage industries (which were begun before marriage), either
throughout the marriage or as needed?

Do you have a student loan or credit card debt? If so what are
your plans for paying it off?



Food

Do you like 'leftover' meals or something fresh for each meal?

What food(s) will you absolutely not eat? :)

When your family visits friends for a shared meal, what do you
like to do after you've eaten?

Do you ever do the dishes? When?

What are your views on nutrition and supplementation?



Personal Habits/Skills/Hobbies/Direction

Is there anything about your current lifestyle or habits that
you would change if there were children being raised in your presence?

What are your views and practices regarding male
dress/appearance?

Are you a home handyman, do you hire a professional, do you
expect your mother/sister/wife to fix it, or do you just ignore it?

Do you enjoy and initiate intellectual stimulation?

What is your view on speech standards, in regards to education
as well as uprightness? Do you alter your speech style when evangelizing
or amongst differing levels of society and for what reason?

Why have you chosen courtship over dating? Was it your parents'
view to start with, or have you dug deeper yourself, and as you have,
has God spoken to you about it?

Would you rather make a large difference in one person's life or
a small difference in the entire world?

What God-given gifts and talents do you have, and how do you use
or plan to use them for God's service?

What weaknesses do you have that I can pray about for you? How
are you trying to overcome them, and is there any way I can help?

What ministry(s) do you have?

Is there any way I would be able to help you in this
ministry(s)?

Have you travelled much?

Do you have a vision for your future family? What is it?

Do you play any musical instruments?

What do you like doing in your spare time?



Politics


What's your view on our present government? Do you think people
should protest against some of the laws that have been passed or may be
passed soon? Or would you rather only pray about it instead of moving in
action?

Do you ever criticize the leaders of our country?

Would you spank your children?



Preferences

Do you like the town or the country better?

What's your favorite animal?

What kind of books do enjoy reading most?

What's your favorite kind of take-aways?



Theology/Church

What part does the Bible play in your life, and what is your
view on modern translations?

What do you consider appropriate music in the church and in the
home and why?

How do you spend your Sabbath and why?

If your church leadership taught or promoted something you
considered errant, how would you respond?

What is your view on mid-week or evening church meetings that
require the presence of husband and/or wife?

What is your opinion of youth groups and children's Sunday
school?

What is your attitude and activity regarding missions and
evangelism?

Do you believe in pre-destination?

Do you believe in "once saved always saved"?

How much time do you spend talking to God? Is He always the main
factor in all of your decisions? How has He impacted your life? When/how
did you become a Christian? Are all the members in your family
Christians or not?"

--Issacharian Daughters, No. 067

I received this earlier in the week, and thought it would be helpful to all of you!

Have a wonderful day!
~@~Courtney~@~

3 comments:

Lady Why said...

Great questions, Courtney! Thank you for posting them.

Flibbertigibbet said...

This is a wonderful resource Courtney! Thanks so much for posting!

Maiden Of Virtue said...

Thanks so much!