I'm going to seek His face, by fearing the Lord and keeping His commandments, for this is the whole of man.

Ah. This weekend I had the most wonderful, God-honoring graduation ceremony. It was truly a sight to behold, and I wanted to share some of it with our readers here at Stay-At-Home Daughters.

If nothing else, fast-forward to the message. It's about 25 minutes in.

("right-click/Save Target As" to download)
Click here for the audio of the ceremony.

Wow. I was speechless and overwhelmingly grateful to God when I heard the message preached on Saturday. The graduation ceremony was much more meaningful than I had expected and the message was given so straight-forward, and so eloquently that everyone listening had no means to contradict.

Our pastor gave Scripture to support everything he was saying, and praised the high-calling of women to be wives and mothers. No one could have thought of giving me grief about my decision to forgo college after that.

Since there was also a young man graduating this year, our pastor also preached on the role of the man as leader.

It was truly amazing. I’m grateful to God for such a wonderful church family, and wonderful parents who care enough to bring their children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

My mother, Lady Why, also put up a wonderful post about it on her blog. And my sister, Poppy, posted pictures.

While on this topic... Carmon, over at Buried Treasure, also re-posted a very timely article just yesterday on her blog. Head on over and take a look!

Dealing with "The College Issue" and Other Difficult Questions

As a follow-up on the last post, I'd like to address how I deal with difficult questions from family members and nosy neighbors. ~wink~

The most popular questions I get are:

The college question: This comes in the form "What college are you going to attend?", and more indirectly, "What are you doing after you graduate?"

For all questions I follow a simple rule of thumb: if the inquirer is genuinely interested in my convictions, I answer gratefully and sincerely all of the questions they ask. The purpose is then to benefit the inquirer. If, on the other hand, the inquirer is asking for the simple reason of trying to question my sanity, be rude, or they simply think it's their responsibility to make sure I "get started in the right direction", I answer briefly, change the subject, or "smile, nod and back away." I find with most people, when I state that I'm staying home after I graduate, they can't change the subject fast enough.. (My mother wrote a wonderful post on answering questions here.)

I usually answer with, "I'm staying home after I graduate and furthering my education on my own." and leave it at that. I have very rarely had to expound, because most people don't care. (my thoughts on this issue can be found here, here, and here.)

Testing: This is when someone tries to test me and my siblings by asking various academic questions. This is usually only performed by those who are against homeschooling or want to make sure my mother is doing what she should. I never answer these questions, it's simply not their place to test us. I have had to intervene when my siblings were being tested before. I never want to be rude, but I usually say lightheartedly that they get enough testing in school. It aggravates me that people try to mess them up by putting them on the spot. Most often, my parents intervene before this goes too far.

So, what do you do?: People ask me this question now, since I'm not bombarded with extracurricular activities, and I'm sure I'll get this question much more after I graduate. I answer truthfully with all of the things I do to help my family around the house. There is quite a lot when you think about it! Courtney wrote a lovely post about this very question recently.

"When are you going to get a job/your driver's license/etc.?": This comes from people who are quick to assume I'm not content at home. Once again, I answer with discernment, depending on what exactly their intentions are and I let them know that I am perfectly content to be at home with my family. (I am going to get my driver's license soon. But, the reason for having a license is not to be "free" from being tied down to my home, as most assume.)

Sometimes I get a snide comment which I have to answer. For example: "I know you just can't wait to get away from all these kids." (talking about my siblings). Most of the time, I ignore snide comments completely.

Whenever I know I'm going to be around those who are not like-minded, I prepare by reminding myself why I believe what I believe. Though, it's not very often that I get questioned thoroughly, always being prepared is a help to me. There was one evening when I stayed up very late into the night studying and reminding myself how to answer tough questions. I knew I was going to be around my extended family for a long period of time, and I was very glad to feel prepared. I never want to be prideful when asked questions like this, nor do I want to feel disheartened.

I don't answer correctly every time. When I was first asked to defend my convictions I made many fumbles and embarrassed myself continually. I was always too passive. I had to practice and learn to stand firm in my beliefs, without being rude, and now I can answer much more clearly and confidently. I still make mistakes from time to time, but I trust the Lord when I'm feeling inadequate.

Some very wonderful answers to some of these questions (namely the college question) can be found here at Visionary Daughters, the blog by the authors of So Much More and the documentary, "Return of the Daughters".

I hope this has been a help to you! God bless you as you live for the Lord as a Stay-At-Home Daughter.


~Flibby

Cultivating Convictions

My convictions were cultivated in me by the grace of God. When I began to think back to write this post, I realized that so many circumstances that seemed very random actually worked together to shape me into who I am today! My parents certainly played a large part in this. Their example has always been wonderful and I know it's been because of their prayers and discernment that they have been able to raise me in the way of the Lord. I was always taught to be like the Bereans by searching everything out through the Scriptures.

Ever since I was a little, little girl I wanted to have a lot of children and be a mother when I grew up. While all my public school friends were deciding they wanted to be doctors, or teachers I found myself frustrated. I didn't want to be any of those, I wanted to be a mother with lots of children. This was long before my family's convictions changed or we even had more than three children. I remember my friends teasing me because I once said that I wanted to beat the world record for most children born to one mother (at the time the world record was 69, by the way. That included 4 sets of quadruplets and 16 sets of twins I believe. =D). Babysitting was (and still is!) my favorite past-time. Whenever a baby was around, I stuck like glue. One of my friends gave me a charm bracelet with a baby carriage on it, because I was the one who wanted to break the world record. Something funny happened to many of those friends. Though none of them wanted to be the world-record holder, they all talked about how they wanted to get married and have lots of babies when they grew up. Now, they not only want little to no children, but many of them don't even want to get married and have turned more toward a feminist mindset. I believe I didn't go in that direction due in part to my family's decision to homeschool.

I was in public school during kindergarten, first, and second grade. Even at my young age, I remember some things very distinctly about public school. There were always the "popular" girls and two girls who feuded every year. I don't remember doing schoolwork in public school. I'm sure we did it but I don't remember it at all! When we started homeschooling I was eight years old. I didn't know the reasons why my parents decided to start homeschooling, but I knew that I never had to get up and go to that awful school again and that thought delighted me! We moved to this house and I was so excited as the basement was transformed into our schoolroom. My mother had previously been a teacher so she created our very own school at home complete with colorful posters, bulletin boards, and desks. I didn't know the spiritual benefits or the Scriptural commands about educating your children at home until much later.

Good literature has also been a key element in shaping my convictions. Some of the most important ones were So Much More, Raising Maidens of Virtue, Beautiful Girlhood, Mother, etc. (You can see and purchase any of these in our Astore in the sidebar.) So Much More really opened my eyes to the whole issue of attending college. Scripture is quoted throughout the book and I found myself with a lot of "Aha!" moments. Why didn't I see it before? The Lord was opening my eyes! My conviction about women and college started with me before my parents even considered it. When I was about 14, I decided I never wanted to go to college. In fact, I was scared to death at the thought of being out on my own and having to fend for myself (part of this was because of a phase of unbelievable shyness that I was going through at the time). My parents just laughed and said I'd grow out of it. When I read the college chapter in So Much More, I was mostly relieved at the fact that I had found an excuse to stay home! I joyously went and showed my mother. But now at nearly 18, this is a heartfelt conviction rather than an excuse. My parents read the book and their convictions changed dramatically.

My heart has always been at home, and I believe that every little girl has this desire from birth. It is only when the combination of bad parenting and her flesh take over that the world is filled with radical feminists and the likes of Britney Spears. I am completely content at home with my family in this season of my life. It's such a blessing and when I think back over what the Lord has done for our family, how He's changed our convictions and given us discernment, I am in awe. My calling as a godly daughter pursuing biblical femininity is the most rewarding place my life could be right now.

I'm so blessed to be able to enjoy the freedom of life in Christ rather than the shackles of the world!

"And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness." Romans 8:10

Thoughts on College Education for Women -- Part 3

To close my series on college education for women, I have included excerpts of Mrs. Jennie Chancey's testimony of her college years found in So Much More. She also gives a similar testimony on her CD, "Jennie B. and the Pilot" currently available through Vision Forum Ministries. Her experience played a large part in finalizing the decision that I will not be attending college.

"...Having been homeschooled for seven years, I was well prepared for college academics. In fact, I'd won a full scholarship to college (my parents` own alma mater). Six months earlier, I had begged my parents to stay home, but the scholarship had made their decision firm, so I finally decided to make the best of things and dive into college life with all my energy. In spite of my homesickness, college life did have it's charms. I was truly in control of my life in a way I never had been before. Though I often sought my parents counsel over the phone, the final decision rested on my shoulders. I could pick the classes I wanted to take, set my own daily schedule, get involved in extracurricular activities, and go out with new friends (at all hours!). My parents had given me excellent study habits, and I found it very easy to keep up with the pace of my major (English with a concentration on writing). But something started to bother me only a few weeks into my time at college. When my Western Civ. professor declared that history was really a series of
"uncoordinated" and "random" events, alarms went off in my head. I believed that God sovereignty orchestrated all of the affairs of men --that history was really "His story." But I quickly quieted my fears, believing the professor would shortly explain himself and get us onto the right track. Well as his worldview continued to unfold, I could only sit in utter disbelief. My Christian professor made it quite clear that he was a theistic evolutionist and did not hold to the belief that the Bible is infallible...

...When one of my literature professors began to reveal her feminist beliefs and advocate 'women's studies' (including "love-poetry" written by lesbians), I wondered if I was really in a Christian school. The New Testament professor under whom I sat for several semesters used every one of his lectures to advance his pet belief that all the male-female roles in Scripture were solely 'cultural' and did not apply to Christians today. He inserted feministic jabs at the reliability of Paul's writings at every opportunity. I'd known before that there were people who rejected the plain teachings of God's Word, but I did not expect to encounter them in a small, 'conservative' Christian college. I purposed to keep my eyes open and my brain in gear as I sat in class and engaged my professors. But I didn't factor in the ability of the constant immersion in opposing worldviews to wear down my resistance.In almost every course I studied over the next four years, a subtle but definite shift began to take place in my outlook and way of thinking. As the seeds of doubt (in God, in my family, in the Church) began to take root in my mind, I felt my heart hardening. No longer did I possess the an unqualified joy in God's creation or even in His work in my life. After all, if 'science' had 'proved' the Bible wrong and outdated, Truth stood on a very shaky foundation. Could even logic be reliable in a world where Truth Himself could be called into question? Perhaps all of those injunctions of St. Paul's really were 'cultural' and irrelevant in our times. Perhaps my New Testament professor was right when he said that, if Jesus had come to earth in our day he would have chosen a woman to be one of his disciples! Three years before, I might have questioned that notion and fought it with all my being --but month after month, my foundations had been eroded to the point that I didn't even know how to argue any more. I just gave up and put the answers on the tests that would give me the coveted 'A'. Now, lest you think I was a 'sheltered' child before college, let me make it clear that my parents had not hidden me from the world's philosophies. In fact, they had worked hard to instill in me a thoroughgoing biblical worldview, teaching me to think, debate ideas, and stand firm on the Truth. Yet four years after entering college, I walked out a bitter, cynical, 'Christian feminist', turning my back upon all the things my parents had given me and determined never to marry....

...[My parents] were not worried about me changing my beliefs or losing my desire to marry and have children, because they had brought me up to embrace a biblical worldview from birth. I went to college totally committed to the Lord's design for marriage and family and focused upon developing my gifts to use later to bless and help my future husband and to train my own children. However when I returned home four years later, I was not the optimistic 19-year-old my parents had sent away. Four years of liberal teaching (heavily influenced by 'Christian' Marxism and the 'social gospel') had slowly worn away my resistance and left me confused and doubtful. But the liberal teaching really wasn't the crux of my change. I also graduated from college bitter toward my parents and certain the Proverbs 31 model was just not for me. I had lived in a false 'real world' for four years --a world that divorced me from my family, alienated me from the Church, and (after seeing serial dating in practice) convinced me that men live only for paychecks and trophy wives and are not to be trusted...

...It is amazing how far removed we are from our own history when it comes to the education of women. The notion that an unprotected young woman should leave her home and family to 'gain independence in the real world' is less than 140 years old. For that matter, so is the notion that a college degree is equal to a thorough education! We've become so shackled to the symbolic piece of paper that even we homeschoolers feel we haven't 'arrived' or 'proved ourselves' until we have a degree on our wall. While there are certainly occupations that require long years of institutional study (perhaps medicine or law), a college degree does not validate one as a thinking person...

...college put me into a kind of 'Twilight Zone' for four years, disconnecting me almost completely from the real world of home, family, little children, grandparents, and even deep church involvement. For four years, I lived in an environment totally unlike the real world I'd be reentering when I graduated. It was a world where my own preferences ruled: I could get up late, stay up at all hours, eat whatever I wanted, go out with friends at any time, take the classes I chose, and, most importantly, slowly disconnect myself from my own family back home. Their concerns were no longer mine. They were no longer closely involved with the decisions I had to make on a day-to-day basis, and I didn't feel obligated to concern myself with what they did, either...

...Shortly before he died, my father confessed to me that he felt he had made the wrong decision all those years before when he'd forced me to go away to college. He asked me to forgive him, then prayed with me, thanking the Lord that He had 'restored the years... the locust had eaten' (Joel 2:25). God is faithful! He can preserve us and protect us in spite of wrong choices. His grace is truly amazing! I am thankful for the good things He did bring out of my time in college --in particular two excellent English professors who worked closely with me to develop my writing skills --but I wouldn't wish those years on another young woman. I've heard many speakers advocate the whole 'college experience' as a must-have for young people. While I do believe men are called to go out into the world and establish themselves in the profession the Lord has called them to, I am willing to say openly that I do not believe there is a reason to send a young woman away to get an education."

As you can see, because of what the Lord has laid on my heart, I have been actively searching the Scriptures and have been researching this topic for quite a while, and as a result, my family and I have decided that I am not going to attend college. The main reasons for this are that I believe that the Lord's calling for women is to be in the home and because of the negative influence of college as a result of the secular worldview.

I do believe women should be educated and instead of college, I've decided to stay home under the authority of my father and continue my education on my own. I will have plenty of time to learn valuable skills that will prepare me for my future role as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Above all, I will continue to actively study the Bible and seek out God's will for my life.

Originally published Feb. 2007 - on Whiskers on Kittens

I would love to hear your view on this! Please leave a comment below.

Thoughts on College Education for Women -- Part 2

Now that I've given many reasons why I'm not going to college, let me explain to you some of the things that are acceptable for women as alternatives for college.

First of all, I believe that women should be very highly educated and that college is not the kind of education that they should desire. A thorough education is available to anyone who is willing to seek out the right kinds of books! The issue here is what kind of education we want. In the book, So Much More, Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin write,

"The right education can make a Christian woman a powerful asset to a father's estate and an even more powerful co-ruler of her husband's estate after she marries. The wrong education can pollute her mind, corrupt her heart, and make her useless as a tool for God's glory."

The most important education is that of God's law through studying the Bible. This educates us on the way we can be used most effectively for the glory of God. Another essential subject to be well educated in is the knowledge of God's hand of providence through the study of history. During the years after I graduate, I am going to continue my education on my own under the roof of my father. This will prepare me for later in life when I have my own children to educate! It is important for a girl to be properly educated if she is to be a homeschooling mother!

Something I've already begun to do, and that will continue after I graduate is to do all that I can to be a blessing to my family, particularly my father, helping his business to prosper and furthering his vision for our family.I have also learned how very important it is for me to use these years of my life to learn valuable homemaking skills that will prepare me to easily fill the role of a homemaker and childcare skills that will help me to easily fill the role of a mother. The best way I've been learning to fulfill the role of a wife is by learning what it means to be a helpmeet to my future husband by watching and learning from my mother while she is being a helpmeet to my father, helping him to govern our house wisely. The Botkin sisters stated in their book (So Much More):

"Those who think that women do not need extensive training to be a homemaker are those who would fit the feminists caricature of a housewife."

Some would argue, "What if you never marry? Aren't you afraid of being a financial burden to your parents?" A daughter being supported by her father is never a burden to him if the daughter has been raised right. Sure, if she was spoiled, she would lay around all day and expect her parents to pay for her cell phone, Ipod, computer, car, and gasoline. But if she is raised right she knows that it is most rewarding to be a blessing to her father and mother. Another thing I'd like to achieve is to start a home-based business to contribute to the finances in my home. This could be a tremendous blessing to a young girl's family.Another common argument that comes up when discussing the subject of college is, "What if your husband dies and you're forced to support yourself and your children?" To answer this question I would like to quote the Botkin girls again,

"In God's order, for the Christian woman, there is no circumstance where a widow or abandoned women is forced to support herself. The reason this question is often asked is because fathers and churches and other responsible parties are not being responsible...."

"...we should be bending all of our energies toward making God's ideal a reality in our lives, pursuing the best case scenario with all our might."

Above all in this situation we would rely on God's hand of providence and His provision.

Originally published Feb. 2007 on Whiskers on Kittens

Thoughts on College Education for Women -- Part 1

My lifelong aspiration is to be a wife, mother, and homemaker. It is the Biblical (and the most noble) calling for women.

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home,good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2:4-5

Women are called to be most influential to the world by being a helpmeet to their husbands and by raising up and educating the next generation of warriors for Christ, not by influencing those in the workplace. Our belief that women should not work outside the home is quite contradictory to the feminist worldview that is apparent in the world today. Feminists believe that women share the same role as men and can therefore do anything that men can do. This is simply not true. According to the biblical standard, men are to be the head of the household and are the ones who are called to provide for their family, while women are called to be homemakers, mothers, and helpmeets to their husbands. What these feminists do not realize is that, by supporting "women's rights", they are causing women nothing but grief.

"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return." Genesis 3:16-19

In these verses we see that the curse of man and the curse of woman are two entirely different things --both with wonderful outcomes. Men have to work hard to provide for their family. Women have to endure hard labor and pain in childbirth. When women are out in the world working, they are embracing both the man's curse and the woman's curse. I, along with the other girls in my family, will not be working outside the home. That is one of the reasons why I am not going to college. There are actually several reasons why my family and I have decided this. The purpose of college is for training an individual for a future career. As I've stated above, I am planning to be a stay at home wife, mother, and homemaker which by the world's standards is not an important occupation and, therefore, is not taught at any college. God's highest calling for women does not require a college degree.

Most people would argue with me at this point saying, "Even if you have no use for a college degree, everyone needs to experience the new level of independence that you get from college!" The independence of the college experience is supposed to prepare young people for "real life". I believe that women should never be completely independent. They are to remain under the roof and authority of their father until the day that they are married when the authority is then transferred to her husband for the rest of her life.

Another reason that I've made the decision to stay home is also one of the same reasons that our family decided to homeschool. It is not only dangerous for a woman to be on her own and unprotected but, along with public schools and private schools, colleges are heavily influenced by Marxism, feminism and a secular worldview... even "Christian" colleges! This is not the place for an impressionable young girl to be spending a great deal of time. Even if the girl thinks her faith is strong enough to withstand this kind of influence, she need not be so deceived. It is especially easy for her Biblical worldview to be destroyed. As stated by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin in their book, So Much More:

"...long term immersion in an environment of false religious ideas can destroy good character and corrupt morality."

Scripture is clear on this point:

"Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners."1 Cor. 15:33

"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful." Psalm 1:1

The Bible clearly shows that Christians are not to be associated with all of the wickedness in this world. So many Christians believe that you have to spend time with the wicked in order to evangelize them. This is a false idea, established to give those who call themselves "Christians" an excuse to act like the world. When a young girl is around others who deny Christ and live in rebellion to His Word, she will tend to stray from the biblical truths that her parents have worked so hard to teach her from birth. A father who has worked to shepherd his daughter's heart, can lose that precious possession in a matter of four years in college.

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." 2 Cor. 6:14-18

Our family strives to be set apart from the world, not giving in to temptations to "fit in" or "go with the flow". We stand firm in our beliefs even when they differ greatly from everyone else. The majority of people - even Christians - believe that a college degree is essential if you are to be successful in life. I believe strongly that it is not. To be successful in life does not include a college degree --far from it. The only true measure of success is complete submission to the Lord God and living according to His providential plan. The last reason that I'm going to mention here (although there are many more) is that young girls will begin to depend on peers more than the loving guidance of her parents during the college years. The closeness that she once had with her family is so easily destroyed! How tragic this can be for the young girl's family!

Originally published Feb. 2007 - on Whiskers on Kittens